Tuesday, (one month ago Bonnie was admitted)
After a very long night comprised of small segments of sleep and many interruptions, Bonnie had a good day today physically. She was able to drink clear liquids after a couple of days of nothing other than chewing ice. It’s amazing how such a small thing like chicken broth becomes a great treat or a hot blanket brings more than just warmth. It’s the releasing of an inner joy that can only be tapped into when you are truly trusting God with the situation at hand and can honestly say He is in control. Bonnie has that joy and it can be seen escaping from her eyes and when she smiles as I wrap her with the hottest blanket I can get from one of the nurses.
Even with the never ending saga of the intestinal issues, Bonnie found enough courage to venture away from her (our) room for 11 laps around the floor and two sitting sessions in her sanctuary by the atrium. Cassandra spent some time with Bonnie today and they played a game of backgammon and then they both took a nap. She had been concerned that she would not have any energy today to do anything as a result of the elimination of the nutrition IV bag last night. The energy level today was an answer to prayer and a time to rejoice.
I (Steve) had a doctor’s appointment this afternoon regarding what I now know is a bulging disc in my lower back and why my left leg is numb throughout the day. My doctor has requested an MRI as well as physical therapy to start immediately. We’ve said it a few times in previous posts, it is so exciting to see God’s hand at work in the midst of the storm. The MRI and physical therapy that I (Steve) need, are being scheduled right here at Sparrow so I don’t even need to leave the campus. We make quite a pair!
We would like to conclude tonight with something I (Steve) read this morning from Dr. Charles Stanley’s Daily Bible reading. The title of the commentary was Trusting God Means Looking Beyond What We Can See to What God Sees. Following is an excerpt of what I think captures in a nutshell how we are suppose to respond to challenges and struggles we face:
In times of extreme pressure, God stretches our faith and deepens our dependence on Him. Without a strong, abiding faith, we can quickly yield to temptation and fear, especially when the trial or difficulty is intense or prolonged. God loves you, and when you place your trust in Him, He will not allow you to suffer defeat. You may go through times of failure. Life may not always turn out the way you planned – but ultimately, God will be glorified, and you will be blessed. Every challenge presents an opportunity for God to display His faithfulness and love. Instead of yielding to thoughts of fear and failure, make a commitment to trust God, even when you do not know what the next day will bring. Train yourself to look beyond what you can see to what God sees.
In essence, we are working through our challenge and looking for opportunities hour to hour, day to day and week to week. We are continually experiencing God’s faithfulness and love and it is only by the hundreds of prayers that are being lifted up on our behalf. We are so humbled by the outpouring of love from the body of Christ. We are continually reminded of this as we see the hundreds of cards and notes that are taped up on the wall of the normally stark plain hospital room. We are truly blessed to be part of this “body” and look forward to that day when we will meet some of you we have never met previously – when our joy has been completed and made full and we stand in the glory of the Lord.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
Monday,
Each day seems to bring a new twist to Bonnie’s ongoing battle with Leukemia. Today we received additional information on her overall treatment as well as a temporary change in course of action. First of all, as you can imagine, the amount of information and medical terminology that has been flying at us over the past four weeks has been overwhelming. It’s as if we have been trying to put together a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle without the picture on the box as well as important pieces that are missing.
Today we found a critical piece of the puzzle that has been there all along, but just didn’t see it in the midst of the pile of pieces. We have been looking at various scenarios of “what ifs” depending on the outcome of the “next step”. What we thought was a bridge we may have to cross some day if the steps in between didn’t pan out, in reality is one that we will most likely cross in the near future – a bone marrow transplant. Somehow we misunderstood the overall diagnosis, thinking that a transplant would only come into play if the standard treatment we were following didn’t address the Leukemia. It really wasn’t a matter of “if” it is a matter of “when” the transplant will occur.
What we learned today is that Bonnie will have dormant leukemia cells that someday will rear their ugly heads and resurface. This could be in 4 months or 10 years, we just don’t know when it will occur. We do know though, it will occur and when it does, Bonnie would have to go through the entire chemo ordeal she is going through now before the transplant could take place. The other school of thought is to do it now once she is in this initial remission due to Bonnie being young. It hasn’t been totally determined as of yet, but the consensus seems to be do it now. Another reason to do it now is some of the follow up results of the cytogenetics studies that take a long time. One of the results of the cytogetnetics indicates that Bonnie would be more of a “4” on a 1 to 10 scale for good diagnosis, with 10 being the best and 1 being the worst. So this would be another reason to do the transplant now as opposed to waiting.
To complicate matters, Bonnie has a yeast infection in her blood and a possible infection in her colon. As we have previously mentioned, she has no immune system to fight these infections so the “Infectious Disease” team of physicians have been added to her case. They are aggressively going after these infections to contain them by tweaking and modifying the various antibiotics, antifungul and antiviral medications being run through Bonnie’s IVs. These infections were also the reason for the postponement of the bone marrow biopsy. As we mentioned yesterday they started to give Bonnie injections of Neupogen to promote the growth of white blood cells to help fight these infections. At this point the biopsy won’t occur until her WBC levels are at a normal range of 10,000 and we have been told that at this point the results will be skewed because of the introduction of the Neupogen.
One potential source of the infection is the triple lumen IV port that was surgically inserted into Bonnie the day after admission. This port is very convenient because of three picks for all the IV drips as well as blood draws for labs, as opposed to Bonnie always being poked for draws. Unfortunately they are going to remove this tonight and go back to a more typical peripheral IV pick on her hand or arm, which means they can’t use the food bag IV as the veins are smaller and difficult to push the nutrient fluid through them. We will find out on Tuesday if they will have her start eating again or use a less potent nutrient bag.
We realize this is probably more detailed than most of you reading this would want, but it is very difficult to summarize this in a few words which would create additional questions in your minds. Hopefully this will help you to understand what we mean by putting together a jigsaw puzzle without the picture and with pieces missing.
With all that said, we are still taking it one day at a time which helps us to manage the waves of information and change as they roll in. A dear friend gave Bonnie a wonderful 90 day devotional called Praying Through Cancer. Today’s title was “Firmly Held”. The writer shares a memory as a little girl wading out into the ocean with her father who held her hand firmly as the waves rolled in. She recalled that on occasion a wave would break over her head sweeping her off her feet, but her father would never let go of his grip on her. God doesn’t let go of His grip on us either. Isaiah 41:13 says:
For I, the LORD your God,
hold your right hand;
it is I who say to you, “Fear not,
I am the one who helps you.”
This verse and the commentary was a perfect word picture for Bonnie to dwell on throughout the day and helped her immensely to further know that her heavenly Father is there holding her hand as we continue to wrestle with the ebb and flow of her disease.
We appreciate each of you sustaining us through your prayers as we continue to trust God and His grip.
Each day seems to bring a new twist to Bonnie’s ongoing battle with Leukemia. Today we received additional information on her overall treatment as well as a temporary change in course of action. First of all, as you can imagine, the amount of information and medical terminology that has been flying at us over the past four weeks has been overwhelming. It’s as if we have been trying to put together a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle without the picture on the box as well as important pieces that are missing.
Today we found a critical piece of the puzzle that has been there all along, but just didn’t see it in the midst of the pile of pieces. We have been looking at various scenarios of “what ifs” depending on the outcome of the “next step”. What we thought was a bridge we may have to cross some day if the steps in between didn’t pan out, in reality is one that we will most likely cross in the near future – a bone marrow transplant. Somehow we misunderstood the overall diagnosis, thinking that a transplant would only come into play if the standard treatment we were following didn’t address the Leukemia. It really wasn’t a matter of “if” it is a matter of “when” the transplant will occur.
What we learned today is that Bonnie will have dormant leukemia cells that someday will rear their ugly heads and resurface. This could be in 4 months or 10 years, we just don’t know when it will occur. We do know though, it will occur and when it does, Bonnie would have to go through the entire chemo ordeal she is going through now before the transplant could take place. The other school of thought is to do it now once she is in this initial remission due to Bonnie being young. It hasn’t been totally determined as of yet, but the consensus seems to be do it now. Another reason to do it now is some of the follow up results of the cytogenetics studies that take a long time. One of the results of the cytogetnetics indicates that Bonnie would be more of a “4” on a 1 to 10 scale for good diagnosis, with 10 being the best and 1 being the worst. So this would be another reason to do the transplant now as opposed to waiting.
To complicate matters, Bonnie has a yeast infection in her blood and a possible infection in her colon. As we have previously mentioned, she has no immune system to fight these infections so the “Infectious Disease” team of physicians have been added to her case. They are aggressively going after these infections to contain them by tweaking and modifying the various antibiotics, antifungul and antiviral medications being run through Bonnie’s IVs. These infections were also the reason for the postponement of the bone marrow biopsy. As we mentioned yesterday they started to give Bonnie injections of Neupogen to promote the growth of white blood cells to help fight these infections. At this point the biopsy won’t occur until her WBC levels are at a normal range of 10,000 and we have been told that at this point the results will be skewed because of the introduction of the Neupogen.
One potential source of the infection is the triple lumen IV port that was surgically inserted into Bonnie the day after admission. This port is very convenient because of three picks for all the IV drips as well as blood draws for labs, as opposed to Bonnie always being poked for draws. Unfortunately they are going to remove this tonight and go back to a more typical peripheral IV pick on her hand or arm, which means they can’t use the food bag IV as the veins are smaller and difficult to push the nutrient fluid through them. We will find out on Tuesday if they will have her start eating again or use a less potent nutrient bag.
We realize this is probably more detailed than most of you reading this would want, but it is very difficult to summarize this in a few words which would create additional questions in your minds. Hopefully this will help you to understand what we mean by putting together a jigsaw puzzle without the picture and with pieces missing.
With all that said, we are still taking it one day at a time which helps us to manage the waves of information and change as they roll in. A dear friend gave Bonnie a wonderful 90 day devotional called Praying Through Cancer. Today’s title was “Firmly Held”. The writer shares a memory as a little girl wading out into the ocean with her father who held her hand firmly as the waves rolled in. She recalled that on occasion a wave would break over her head sweeping her off her feet, but her father would never let go of his grip on her. God doesn’t let go of His grip on us either. Isaiah 41:13 says:
For I, the LORD your God,
hold your right hand;
it is I who say to you, “Fear not,
I am the one who helps you.”
This verse and the commentary was a perfect word picture for Bonnie to dwell on throughout the day and helped her immensely to further know that her heavenly Father is there holding her hand as we continue to wrestle with the ebb and flow of her disease.
We appreciate each of you sustaining us through your prayers as we continue to trust God and His grip.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Sunday,
Today, God showed Bonnie some small amounts of compassion which were a cause for praise. For the past 24 hours, Bonnie has been restricted to no fluid/food intake. She could chew ice, but not swallow the melted liquid. With a dry mouth and throat to begin with, this was an uncomfortable nuisance in the big picture, yet a level of comfort Bonnie didn’t have. Today the doctors approved her to chew ice and swallow which gave her great relief. She was also given the confidence to get out of bed and walk laps (11 of them) around the floor and sit out in the elevator atrium without fear of having to stay close to the bathroom. This was huge as she needs to use her muscles after being in bed since Monday afternoon.
Bonnie continues to deal with the intestinal issues, however it seems to be slightly more manageable. The bone marrow biopsy scheduled for tomorrow (Monday) at 8:30 has been postponed. Bonnie is so vulnerable right now without any white blood cells for such a long period of time, there is a rising concern about infection so they have started injections of Neupogen prior to the biopsy because the blood has been clear of blasts (leukemia) cells for quite some time. The doctors want to jump start the growth of good WBC. Please pray that this will be the result.
The CT Scan of Bonnie’s chest is normal, however the intestinal area does show the lining wall of the small and large intestines thickening. The doctors have told us that this in part is due to all the activity being pushed through them as part of the side effects of the chemo. Please pray that the lining will thin so the normal bowel process will occur as opposed to it being sluggish and unresponsive.
Every day brings new challenges, however it is a comfort in knowing that God is compassionate. It pleases God to show compassion to His people both in small and large ways. All through scripture we see God’s hand of compassion present in the redemption of His people. In Jonah 4:6 He gave the prophet Jonah relief from the heat by causing a plant to grow and provide shade. In 1 Kings 19 He showed Elijah compassion by providing him with cake and water before a long journey. God’s greatest compassion was giving us a way to reconcile our sinful nature with God’s perfect holy nature through the sacrifice of His son Jesus who met the requirement on our behalf of living a perfect holy life. All we have to do is put our faith and trust in Him for the security of spending eternity with Him. That is compassion, because we don’t deserve it and we can’t earn it, it is God’s greatest gift. This is the source of the great peace that we are experiencing through this incredible trial we are enduring. Knowing Christ, is knowing peace.
As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.
Psalm 103:13
God Bless.
Today, God showed Bonnie some small amounts of compassion which were a cause for praise. For the past 24 hours, Bonnie has been restricted to no fluid/food intake. She could chew ice, but not swallow the melted liquid. With a dry mouth and throat to begin with, this was an uncomfortable nuisance in the big picture, yet a level of comfort Bonnie didn’t have. Today the doctors approved her to chew ice and swallow which gave her great relief. She was also given the confidence to get out of bed and walk laps (11 of them) around the floor and sit out in the elevator atrium without fear of having to stay close to the bathroom. This was huge as she needs to use her muscles after being in bed since Monday afternoon.
Bonnie continues to deal with the intestinal issues, however it seems to be slightly more manageable. The bone marrow biopsy scheduled for tomorrow (Monday) at 8:30 has been postponed. Bonnie is so vulnerable right now without any white blood cells for such a long period of time, there is a rising concern about infection so they have started injections of Neupogen prior to the biopsy because the blood has been clear of blasts (leukemia) cells for quite some time. The doctors want to jump start the growth of good WBC. Please pray that this will be the result.
The CT Scan of Bonnie’s chest is normal, however the intestinal area does show the lining wall of the small and large intestines thickening. The doctors have told us that this in part is due to all the activity being pushed through them as part of the side effects of the chemo. Please pray that the lining will thin so the normal bowel process will occur as opposed to it being sluggish and unresponsive.
Every day brings new challenges, however it is a comfort in knowing that God is compassionate. It pleases God to show compassion to His people both in small and large ways. All through scripture we see God’s hand of compassion present in the redemption of His people. In Jonah 4:6 He gave the prophet Jonah relief from the heat by causing a plant to grow and provide shade. In 1 Kings 19 He showed Elijah compassion by providing him with cake and water before a long journey. God’s greatest compassion was giving us a way to reconcile our sinful nature with God’s perfect holy nature through the sacrifice of His son Jesus who met the requirement on our behalf of living a perfect holy life. All we have to do is put our faith and trust in Him for the security of spending eternity with Him. That is compassion, because we don’t deserve it and we can’t earn it, it is God’s greatest gift. This is the source of the great peace that we are experiencing through this incredible trial we are enduring. Knowing Christ, is knowing peace.
As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.
Psalm 103:13
God Bless.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Saturday,
Today was a day that had more questions than answers for dealing with various side effects of the chemo Bonnie’s body continues to endure. Today really started last night and was filled with hourly activity which meant no sleep for Bonnie, unless you count 45 minute stretches without interruption, sleep. In addition to the 3 transfusions of platelets she received between 9:00 and midnight, she continued to have severe intestinal issues with bleeding, so the doctor ordered a transfusion for red blood cells which came at 4:00. In between Bonnie spiked a fever that exceeded the benchmark level which triggered an automatic chest, kidney and intestinal xray, plus blood draws off her pick line as well as direct blood draws (from a needle poke in an arm vein). Because of the transfusions, the nursing staff is required to take vitals every hour on the hour. Needless to say, Bonnie napped most of the day….something I probably should have done as well.
As troubleshooting continues on the intestinal part, we found that when Bonnie lays on her side (her favorite sleeping position) it triggers everything moving through her system quickly. If she lays on her back (in the position she has trouble sleeping in) she can go extended periods of time without having these severe bouts. We asked the doctor about why this would occur. As she examined the xray as well as Bonnie’s stomach area they starting thinking she may have a contracting bowel issue in the large intestine. Our large intestines typically contract and expand to push waste through and the school of thought is that when Bonnie is lying on her back the natural expanding and contracting ceases and once she rolls to the side it expands and thus everything runs through her quickly.
Because of this issue, the doctors ordered a CAT scan (which finally occurred this evening) of her intestinal area and have put her on a zero food/fluid intake to give her intestinal system a break. So all her nutrition is coming from IVs at this point. Unfortunately she can’t even chew and swallow ice which is a discouragement to Bonnie due to her dry mouth and throat. Also there can be no internal scopes performed on her because of not having any White Blood Cells (WBC).
Another thing we are watching is her hands. Her palms and fingers are dark red and blotchy and we’re trying to determine if this is being caused by the various hand wipes, foams and lotions we all are required to use. The thought is that maybe some of the chemicals are too harsh for Bonnie’s skin to handle because of the low platelets and zero WBC. Or is it a reaction to one of the antibiotics or something else she is receiving.
For tonight and tomorrow, please pray specifically for the following:
1) That her bowel will start to function again with normal contractions and expansions (assuming we have the correct diagnosis)
2) That she will be able to find enough moisture from chewing the ice and spitting it out to give her dry mouth relief
3) That her hands won’t dry out and crack putting her at risk of infection
4) That the internal bleeding will stop
5) That her blood and key nutrients will begin to increase on its own without supplements to an acceptable standard level
With all this, Bonnie still has her smile which radiates a warmth. Even though she physically is not the same on the outside or on the inside due to the treatment of this disease, her spirit is unchanging. Sure there are times she is discouraged and I assure her it is okay to be discouraged. As we talk through it though, she asks me to read her Bible verses and a glow of peace comes across her face. One of her 3 x 5 note cards has Philippians 4:7:
“And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your mind in Christ Jesus.”
Her comment she wrote to accompany this verse is:
“If we make the choice to pray instead of worry we will experience God’s peace”
Bonnie’s statement sounds easy, but every hour with this battle brings a new twist, a new prognosis and “worry” finds a way to slowly drift in like a low lingering fog. If we don’t use the power of prayer, that fog will sock in so thick we will be subjecting ourselves to feeling a false sense of aloneness and abandonment and a loss of focus or vision, which should be on Jesus. Prayer unleashes God’s abundant peace such that we cannot begin to understand and it is that peace which dissipates the fog of “worry” that deceptively wants slowly creep in distracting us from our relationship with God. Please pray that the winds of God’s peace will keep clear the fog of Satan’s worry as we strive to endure in the battle.
We are so encouraged by all the notes and cards that let us know you are praying.
Thank you so much.
Today was a day that had more questions than answers for dealing with various side effects of the chemo Bonnie’s body continues to endure. Today really started last night and was filled with hourly activity which meant no sleep for Bonnie, unless you count 45 minute stretches without interruption, sleep. In addition to the 3 transfusions of platelets she received between 9:00 and midnight, she continued to have severe intestinal issues with bleeding, so the doctor ordered a transfusion for red blood cells which came at 4:00. In between Bonnie spiked a fever that exceeded the benchmark level which triggered an automatic chest, kidney and intestinal xray, plus blood draws off her pick line as well as direct blood draws (from a needle poke in an arm vein). Because of the transfusions, the nursing staff is required to take vitals every hour on the hour. Needless to say, Bonnie napped most of the day….something I probably should have done as well.
As troubleshooting continues on the intestinal part, we found that when Bonnie lays on her side (her favorite sleeping position) it triggers everything moving through her system quickly. If she lays on her back (in the position she has trouble sleeping in) she can go extended periods of time without having these severe bouts. We asked the doctor about why this would occur. As she examined the xray as well as Bonnie’s stomach area they starting thinking she may have a contracting bowel issue in the large intestine. Our large intestines typically contract and expand to push waste through and the school of thought is that when Bonnie is lying on her back the natural expanding and contracting ceases and once she rolls to the side it expands and thus everything runs through her quickly.
Because of this issue, the doctors ordered a CAT scan (which finally occurred this evening) of her intestinal area and have put her on a zero food/fluid intake to give her intestinal system a break. So all her nutrition is coming from IVs at this point. Unfortunately she can’t even chew and swallow ice which is a discouragement to Bonnie due to her dry mouth and throat. Also there can be no internal scopes performed on her because of not having any White Blood Cells (WBC).
Another thing we are watching is her hands. Her palms and fingers are dark red and blotchy and we’re trying to determine if this is being caused by the various hand wipes, foams and lotions we all are required to use. The thought is that maybe some of the chemicals are too harsh for Bonnie’s skin to handle because of the low platelets and zero WBC. Or is it a reaction to one of the antibiotics or something else she is receiving.
For tonight and tomorrow, please pray specifically for the following:
1) That her bowel will start to function again with normal contractions and expansions (assuming we have the correct diagnosis)
2) That she will be able to find enough moisture from chewing the ice and spitting it out to give her dry mouth relief
3) That her hands won’t dry out and crack putting her at risk of infection
4) That the internal bleeding will stop
5) That her blood and key nutrients will begin to increase on its own without supplements to an acceptable standard level
With all this, Bonnie still has her smile which radiates a warmth. Even though she physically is not the same on the outside or on the inside due to the treatment of this disease, her spirit is unchanging. Sure there are times she is discouraged and I assure her it is okay to be discouraged. As we talk through it though, she asks me to read her Bible verses and a glow of peace comes across her face. One of her 3 x 5 note cards has Philippians 4:7:
“And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your mind in Christ Jesus.”
Her comment she wrote to accompany this verse is:
“If we make the choice to pray instead of worry we will experience God’s peace”
Bonnie’s statement sounds easy, but every hour with this battle brings a new twist, a new prognosis and “worry” finds a way to slowly drift in like a low lingering fog. If we don’t use the power of prayer, that fog will sock in so thick we will be subjecting ourselves to feeling a false sense of aloneness and abandonment and a loss of focus or vision, which should be on Jesus. Prayer unleashes God’s abundant peace such that we cannot begin to understand and it is that peace which dissipates the fog of “worry” that deceptively wants slowly creep in distracting us from our relationship with God. Please pray that the winds of God’s peace will keep clear the fog of Satan’s worry as we strive to endure in the battle.
We are so encouraged by all the notes and cards that let us know you are praying.
Thank you so much.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Friday,
Today was another day of watching and analyzing Bonnie’s status as it relates to her overall response to the chemo. The frequency of the intestinal issues has decreased, but still comes on without much notice, so that continues to be somewhat unnerving for Bonnie and limits her confidence of straying too far from the room. She really doesn’t have the energy to do much anyway. We did get her bathed and changed today and her feet washed. This may sound like a fairly simple process, but it is very hard for her to sit on the edge of the bed for an extended period of time without getting overly fatigued as well as chilled. Once she lies back down in bed shivering, the thing that brings her the most physical comfort is the hot blanket I get from the warmer to wrap her in.
The key aspects of her blood labs that we track continue to make much headway. Obviously the White Blood Cell count will continue to be 0 until such time that the chemo has worked its way out of her body. Her platelets and hemoglobin continue to drop requiring additional transfusions. By the end of tonight she will have had three transfusions of platelets today. We are waiting for the last two (currently 9:00). Tomorrow morning she will be given Red Blood Cell transfusions to boost her hemoglobin. Please pray specifically that she will not have an allergic reaction to these transfusions. So far so has had no sign of reactions to the transfusions she has already received. The pre-transfusion regiment includes Tylenol and Benadryl, which makes her tired. She has to have this prior to every transfusion.
Please pray for my (Steve) lower back and tailbone that I will not wake up in the middle of severe pain, numbness and tingling. I’m not going into all the details, but did see the doctor today and working on why. I am also trying a new roll away bed tonight as opposed to the extending sofa.
As we reflect on where we started on this journey and wondering where we are going, we know one thing for sure, God is there. It is so encouraging to see just a smidgen of God’s plan and handiwork being played out through this trial. We had another example occur today reinforcing that God is in control and revealing Himself to us through His word.
In my daily Bible reading today, I read the account in 1 Kings 18 of Elijah taking on the many false prophets of the day by challenging them to call upon their gods to bring fire down to burn up their offering while Elijah taunted them because of the lack of response from their (false) gods. Meanwhile Elijah prayed to God to bring fire down and accept the offering, which God answered with a vengeance and showed all the people gathered who the real God was, is and will always be. Elijah’s faith was great and saw an incredible miracle and answer to prayer that day, yet it is interesting to see in the very next chapter Elijah’s weakness of feeling of alone. The thought struck me on how a man of this stature could feel so alone and afraid following the witness of such a great act by an awesome holy God. 1 Kings 19: 9-10 says:
“And there he went into a cave, and spent the night in that place; and behold, the word of the LORD came to him, and He said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” So he said, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God of hosts; for the children of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword. I alone am left; and they seek to take my life.”
It was the next section of this same encounter between God and Elijah in verses 11 & 12 that caused me to stop and dwell on the text a little more than usual:
"Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the LORD.” And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.”
It was the last four words of this encounter that brought comfort to me as I sat in the atrium lobby at 5:30 this morning, “a still small voice”. How terrifying the thought of a wind with the force and power to break rock off a mountain. I tried to imagine the noise of the wind, the shaking of the earth and the roaring of the fire and then….a still small voice. I couldn’t help but think of the “noise” surrounding our encounter with a holy God imposing His perfect will for our lives, a will that is challenging for us to understand with our earthly, finite minds. Yet there He is, in the midst of our turmoil, “a still small voice”. What a wonder, what a relief and what a comfort; the source of the abundant peace we have been overwhelmed by since the day of our arrival here at Sparrow. Elijah may have felt alone, but he wasn’t. We are not alone either.
This was a great moment for me (Steve) as I sat there in the quietness of the early morning pondering this. I returned to the room and found an email from our daughter Callie (who is currently with a friend in Indianapolis). Her email was “stuff for Mom”, meaning inspirational commentary and Bible verses for her to read. The very first commentary was on “Confidence in Times of Distress”. The first verse on the list was Psalm 46:10:
Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!
There was that word "still" again, but this time it was not describing God, but rather how we are to respond. We need not be anxious about Bonnie’s disease. We need to be “still” in our hearts so we will continue to know God’s “still” small voice. May He be exalted in this challenging journey. Please pray that we will be “still” in our hearts. Thank you so much.
Today was another day of watching and analyzing Bonnie’s status as it relates to her overall response to the chemo. The frequency of the intestinal issues has decreased, but still comes on without much notice, so that continues to be somewhat unnerving for Bonnie and limits her confidence of straying too far from the room. She really doesn’t have the energy to do much anyway. We did get her bathed and changed today and her feet washed. This may sound like a fairly simple process, but it is very hard for her to sit on the edge of the bed for an extended period of time without getting overly fatigued as well as chilled. Once she lies back down in bed shivering, the thing that brings her the most physical comfort is the hot blanket I get from the warmer to wrap her in.
The key aspects of her blood labs that we track continue to make much headway. Obviously the White Blood Cell count will continue to be 0 until such time that the chemo has worked its way out of her body. Her platelets and hemoglobin continue to drop requiring additional transfusions. By the end of tonight she will have had three transfusions of platelets today. We are waiting for the last two (currently 9:00). Tomorrow morning she will be given Red Blood Cell transfusions to boost her hemoglobin. Please pray specifically that she will not have an allergic reaction to these transfusions. So far so has had no sign of reactions to the transfusions she has already received. The pre-transfusion regiment includes Tylenol and Benadryl, which makes her tired. She has to have this prior to every transfusion.
Please pray for my (Steve) lower back and tailbone that I will not wake up in the middle of severe pain, numbness and tingling. I’m not going into all the details, but did see the doctor today and working on why. I am also trying a new roll away bed tonight as opposed to the extending sofa.
As we reflect on where we started on this journey and wondering where we are going, we know one thing for sure, God is there. It is so encouraging to see just a smidgen of God’s plan and handiwork being played out through this trial. We had another example occur today reinforcing that God is in control and revealing Himself to us through His word.
In my daily Bible reading today, I read the account in 1 Kings 18 of Elijah taking on the many false prophets of the day by challenging them to call upon their gods to bring fire down to burn up their offering while Elijah taunted them because of the lack of response from their (false) gods. Meanwhile Elijah prayed to God to bring fire down and accept the offering, which God answered with a vengeance and showed all the people gathered who the real God was, is and will always be. Elijah’s faith was great and saw an incredible miracle and answer to prayer that day, yet it is interesting to see in the very next chapter Elijah’s weakness of feeling of alone. The thought struck me on how a man of this stature could feel so alone and afraid following the witness of such a great act by an awesome holy God. 1 Kings 19: 9-10 says:
“And there he went into a cave, and spent the night in that place; and behold, the word of the LORD came to him, and He said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” So he said, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God of hosts; for the children of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword. I alone am left; and they seek to take my life.”
It was the next section of this same encounter between God and Elijah in verses 11 & 12 that caused me to stop and dwell on the text a little more than usual:
"Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the LORD.” And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.”
It was the last four words of this encounter that brought comfort to me as I sat in the atrium lobby at 5:30 this morning, “a still small voice”. How terrifying the thought of a wind with the force and power to break rock off a mountain. I tried to imagine the noise of the wind, the shaking of the earth and the roaring of the fire and then….a still small voice. I couldn’t help but think of the “noise” surrounding our encounter with a holy God imposing His perfect will for our lives, a will that is challenging for us to understand with our earthly, finite minds. Yet there He is, in the midst of our turmoil, “a still small voice”. What a wonder, what a relief and what a comfort; the source of the abundant peace we have been overwhelmed by since the day of our arrival here at Sparrow. Elijah may have felt alone, but he wasn’t. We are not alone either.
This was a great moment for me (Steve) as I sat there in the quietness of the early morning pondering this. I returned to the room and found an email from our daughter Callie (who is currently with a friend in Indianapolis). Her email was “stuff for Mom”, meaning inspirational commentary and Bible verses for her to read. The very first commentary was on “Confidence in Times of Distress”. The first verse on the list was Psalm 46:10:
Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!
There was that word "still" again, but this time it was not describing God, but rather how we are to respond. We need not be anxious about Bonnie’s disease. We need to be “still” in our hearts so we will continue to know God’s “still” small voice. May He be exalted in this challenging journey. Please pray that we will be “still” in our hearts. Thank you so much.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Thursday,
Another day of wait and see as it relates to Bonnie’s coping with the intestinal issue while the chemo continues to ravage her body even though the drip IV ended Monday night. Our nurse today informed us that the chemo can stay in the body for up to two weeks.
The gastroenterologist visited Bonnie today to review the many remedies that our main physicians have been alternating in hopes of finding the right combination that would minimize the intestinal issues. He eliminated all but one and added two others. Interestingly, Bonnie had severe intestinal issues this morning at 7:15 and didn’t have another bout until 6:00 this evening and the new medicine wasn’t prescribed to begin until tonight at 7:00. So the almost 11 hour reprieve gave Bonnie much needed relief. We’re hopeful it might be slowing down, but Bonnie is somewhat apprehensive in eating for fear that it will set her back into an hourly visit to the bathroom throughout the night. Needless to say, she is exhausted. She labors so hard for well over an hour to eat a few bites of toast with peanut butter and jelly on it and then wonders why she even tried when it runs right through her. Please pray that her intestinal tract will settle down so her body can absorb the minimal nutrition she is putting in by eating as opposed to the food bag running through the IV.
Even with the fatigue, I was able to coax her to get out of bed into a wheel chair so I could push her outdoors onto the patio for a few minutes in the fresh air. She said she was only doing it for me as she thought I needed a break from the room and hallway. Always thinking of others and putting them first. I told her whatever it takes to get her out of the room I’ll go along with (even though I didn’t need the outdoors). She was wrapped up in two hot blankets and wore a bonnet on her head so no skin was exposed to the sunlight.
There’s not much more to report as we are in a holding pattern until the biopsy on Monday. I have heard from many who take the time to read this blog that they like to hear from Bonnie. Because of her fatigue it is too difficult to ask her to write or even have me transcribe. So the best alternative is to share Bonnie’s frame of mind and therefore would like to share with you another 3 x 5 card she has written scripture on along with her comments. The scripture reference is Psalm 16:5:
“Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure.”
Bonnie’s comment underneath this verse says:
“Whatever happens to me is assigned, measured and controlled for my eternal good! As I accept this portion my heart becomes quieter and is content with what God gives.”
God has assigned this difficult task to us, particularly for Bonnie. He takes great care to make sure the assignment is the exact amount; measured and controlled. How comforting it is to know that on one hand the portion assigned to us is specifically measured based on our ability to handle the task yet the cup of God’s love, peace, joy and kindness overflows without measure. You can’t ask for more comfort than that during a difficult time as this.
Your prayers continue to sustain us (and specifically give me endurance as I attempt to minister to Bonnie throughout the day). We cannot begin to thank everyone for this.
Another day of wait and see as it relates to Bonnie’s coping with the intestinal issue while the chemo continues to ravage her body even though the drip IV ended Monday night. Our nurse today informed us that the chemo can stay in the body for up to two weeks.
The gastroenterologist visited Bonnie today to review the many remedies that our main physicians have been alternating in hopes of finding the right combination that would minimize the intestinal issues. He eliminated all but one and added two others. Interestingly, Bonnie had severe intestinal issues this morning at 7:15 and didn’t have another bout until 6:00 this evening and the new medicine wasn’t prescribed to begin until tonight at 7:00. So the almost 11 hour reprieve gave Bonnie much needed relief. We’re hopeful it might be slowing down, but Bonnie is somewhat apprehensive in eating for fear that it will set her back into an hourly visit to the bathroom throughout the night. Needless to say, she is exhausted. She labors so hard for well over an hour to eat a few bites of toast with peanut butter and jelly on it and then wonders why she even tried when it runs right through her. Please pray that her intestinal tract will settle down so her body can absorb the minimal nutrition she is putting in by eating as opposed to the food bag running through the IV.
Even with the fatigue, I was able to coax her to get out of bed into a wheel chair so I could push her outdoors onto the patio for a few minutes in the fresh air. She said she was only doing it for me as she thought I needed a break from the room and hallway. Always thinking of others and putting them first. I told her whatever it takes to get her out of the room I’ll go along with (even though I didn’t need the outdoors). She was wrapped up in two hot blankets and wore a bonnet on her head so no skin was exposed to the sunlight.
There’s not much more to report as we are in a holding pattern until the biopsy on Monday. I have heard from many who take the time to read this blog that they like to hear from Bonnie. Because of her fatigue it is too difficult to ask her to write or even have me transcribe. So the best alternative is to share Bonnie’s frame of mind and therefore would like to share with you another 3 x 5 card she has written scripture on along with her comments. The scripture reference is Psalm 16:5:
“Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure.”
Bonnie’s comment underneath this verse says:
“Whatever happens to me is assigned, measured and controlled for my eternal good! As I accept this portion my heart becomes quieter and is content with what God gives.”
God has assigned this difficult task to us, particularly for Bonnie. He takes great care to make sure the assignment is the exact amount; measured and controlled. How comforting it is to know that on one hand the portion assigned to us is specifically measured based on our ability to handle the task yet the cup of God’s love, peace, joy and kindness overflows without measure. You can’t ask for more comfort than that during a difficult time as this.
Your prayers continue to sustain us (and specifically give me endurance as I attempt to minister to Bonnie throughout the day). We cannot begin to thank everyone for this.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Wednesday,
Another day of testing – both physically and spiritually. In an effort by the doctors to resolve Bonnie’s intestinal issues not much progress has been made. We are hopeful it is still from the chemo working itself out of Bonnie’s system, but it could be side effects of one of the many antibiotics or other meds she is taking. It becomes trial and error in indentifying what may be causing it. Meanwhile Bonnie is not consuming much in the way of food and what she does runs right through her. Her team of doctors has asked the hospital gastroenterologist to consult with Bonnie’s case tomorrow.
Sadly, Bonnie has not been out of bed for 2 ½ days and is very fatigued, which may be from the ending of steroids as the chemo ends or the intestinal issues are draining her. I say it is a combination of both.
We are in a wait and see stage. The next bone marrow biopsy is scheduled for this next Monday at 8:30. Please pray that Bonnie won’t be anxious thinking about this less than desirable procedure. Keep in mind this will be the third time so she has a really good idea of what to expect.
In yesterday’s blog post, I (Steve) referenced 3 x 5 cards Bonnie wrote scripture on along with her comments, during her initial round of chemo. The next installment is from 1 Timothy 6:15:
“God….is the blessed controller of all things. The King over all kings and the master of all masters.”
Following are the comments Bonnie made about this verse to be a continual reminder to herself as she entered into the more challenging phases of her disease:
“Who controls my life? God What kind of a controller is He? Blessed! Accepting from God’s hand what he sends because we know that He is good therefore it is good! Contentment!”
Contentment is the fuel that drives an everlasting peace. If we are content with where God has us no matter the circumstance; health, finances, children, friends, etc, then we have the peace to rest in God’s plan for our lives. We all have long term plans: grow old together, travel, enjoy grandchildren, etc., but God may have a different plan and we have to be content with it and accept it, not deny it and run from it. Do we have hope that Bonnie will be completely healed of this disease? Yes. Might we still grow old together, travel and enjoy grandchildren? Yes. Might none of these happen? Yes. We don’t know the outcome. We can though, be content knowing that this is out of our control and in control of a “blessed controller.”
Another day of testing – both physically and spiritually. In an effort by the doctors to resolve Bonnie’s intestinal issues not much progress has been made. We are hopeful it is still from the chemo working itself out of Bonnie’s system, but it could be side effects of one of the many antibiotics or other meds she is taking. It becomes trial and error in indentifying what may be causing it. Meanwhile Bonnie is not consuming much in the way of food and what she does runs right through her. Her team of doctors has asked the hospital gastroenterologist to consult with Bonnie’s case tomorrow.
Sadly, Bonnie has not been out of bed for 2 ½ days and is very fatigued, which may be from the ending of steroids as the chemo ends or the intestinal issues are draining her. I say it is a combination of both.
We are in a wait and see stage. The next bone marrow biopsy is scheduled for this next Monday at 8:30. Please pray that Bonnie won’t be anxious thinking about this less than desirable procedure. Keep in mind this will be the third time so she has a really good idea of what to expect.
In yesterday’s blog post, I (Steve) referenced 3 x 5 cards Bonnie wrote scripture on along with her comments, during her initial round of chemo. The next installment is from 1 Timothy 6:15:
“God….is the blessed controller of all things. The King over all kings and the master of all masters.”
Following are the comments Bonnie made about this verse to be a continual reminder to herself as she entered into the more challenging phases of her disease:
“Who controls my life? God What kind of a controller is He? Blessed! Accepting from God’s hand what he sends because we know that He is good therefore it is good! Contentment!”
Contentment is the fuel that drives an everlasting peace. If we are content with where God has us no matter the circumstance; health, finances, children, friends, etc, then we have the peace to rest in God’s plan for our lives. We all have long term plans: grow old together, travel, enjoy grandchildren, etc., but God may have a different plan and we have to be content with it and accept it, not deny it and run from it. Do we have hope that Bonnie will be completely healed of this disease? Yes. Might we still grow old together, travel and enjoy grandchildren? Yes. Might none of these happen? Yes. We don’t know the outcome. We can though, be content knowing that this is out of our control and in control of a “blessed controller.”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
