Tuesday

(From Bonnie)

Dear family and friends,

Now that the initial shock has wore off, I’m starting to settle into a daily routine unlike anything I could imagine. I’m continually hooked up to an IV tower with multiple bags of chemicals, drugs and blood going into my body that I never could have imagined. I wake at 5:30 a.m. to morning blood draws (usually six vials) which sets the tone for the day. If counts are good, I only have about 4 bags hanging from my tower. If the blood count (hemoglobin & platelets) is a little low, then we go to plan B which is replenishing my body with someone else’s blood while they monitor me for 15 minutes to make sure I’m not going to have any catastrophic reaction to another’s blood. It could be really scary if I let myself dwell on the current circumstances. But I have a total peace constantly! I know this wouldn’t be possible if I haven’t had all your prayers lifted up daily on my behalf.

The cards, verses and e-mails have been such an overwhelming comfort. I am truly humbled by the outpouring of God’s love through all of you. I have never been on the receiving end of something this big and I’d actually like to be the one in my own bed awakened up in the middle of the night and crawling on my knees praying for you. But that obviously is not God’s plan right now. So know my dear loved ones how blessed and at great peace I am because of you and the wonderful Savior we all serve!

I am on the 5th floor at Sparrow Hospital and it looks like this will be my residence for at least 20 more days until my body’s immune system kicks in. When I found out that I would be trapped in this room and on this floor for a minimum of 21 days my body went into immediate claustrophobic shock! I’m the girl that would rather be mowing the lawn outside, than doing the dishes. From the minute I am up in the morning the windows are open so I can constantly feel the beautiful breeze. How could God ask so much of me?! My first human reaction! Oh it took just a few moments for perspective to kick in and my panic attack to subside and I started to appreciate all this spare time that a home-schooling mother of 3 could only imagine. Granted a vacation on the ocean would have been nice, but the 5th floor it is. My room is beautiful and is germ free. So everyone who enters (hospital staff, doctors, pastors and family) must mask up and scrub up, while I sit very comfortable. But I can only sit for an hour or so before the room starts to close in, so about 8:00 a.m. I mask up, put my tennis shoes and pull my IV tower around the hall. I have found out that if I walk 11 times around the hall it is actually 1 mile! There is a beautiful window atrium with 2 seats by the elevators where the rays of sun, shine all day. I never considered myself a people watcher, just a doer, but I have learned a much slower pace and a new way to pray for all the passersby who are so busy out on the streets!

I will sit and praise the Lord for a while and head back to the room to order breakfast. The menu has a wide variety of things, but I’m not allowed fresh fruit and fresh salads, because of the potential bacteria it can bring in. Steve can peel a banana when it comes and take the peel out, but I can’t touch it. Life without a salad a day is just a little bump in the road. But I don’t have to cook a thing!

After breakfast I usually have my blood results back and Steve and I see the first set of doctors about 9:30. We talk about any changes from yesterday to today . Check vitals and answer any questions about today’s game plan. Then I read my bible, all my notes, cards and Bible verses that many of you have sent and usually have my first set of family stop by which breaks up the day. Our kids brought in a photo-frame with a memory chip that is continually playing so I can see all their smiling faces - such a small thing that brings so much joy to my heart. I usually get masked up and walk them back down to the elevators and say my morning goodbyes and walk a few more laps in the hall. The battery packs on the IV pumps are usually good for about 45 minutes before I have to plug myself back into electrical outlets - believe me, those alarms on the packs telling you low battery are very annoying coming down the hall. Everyone hears me coming! I am on continual fluid flushing so I can’t be gone too far away from the bathroom, because they monitor everything going in and coming out. It is all heavily checked.

Now it’s time to think about lunch and the next set of doctors at 1:00. These are the serious hematologist/oncologists and they call on me everyday around 1:30 to 3:00. I felt like they were analyzing a lab rat at first. Usually 4 of them come in the room with white coats and stare at me and asks tons of questions. But of course Steve and I got them loosened up after a couple of days and they come in very delightful. They’ve had to chase me down several times in the halls to check all my vitals again, discuss any changes from one day to the next and tell me to keep up the good work! Work I say, this is boredom, try being a homeschool mom!

After this group of doctors leave, I will sometime take an hour nap, but the last few days I have been feeling so great I go walking again! Your prayers are being answered for my energy and I don’t feel any nausea. The nurses shift change is about 7:00, so after dinner, the night shifts comes in and introduces themselves and we talk about all the plans they have for me all night. Checking vitals, changing fluid bags, shutting off alarms when there is air in the IV hoses! So I only sleep 2 hours at a time which was quite a challenge at first, but found out that the nurses who don’t turn on the lights at 12:00, 2:00, 4:00 and again at 5:30 make the evening a lot smoother. We have learned that it’s ok to request a very quiet night nurse which has helped me to fall right back to sleep the last two nights which has made a world of a difference in our day. Steve felt comfortable enough to leave me today that I even sent him out to lunch with a friend today and home for a meal yesterday. He put his foot down when I tried to convince him to sleep one night in his own bed at home. He was back at the hospital at 9:00 p.m. and on his temporary bed (a two seat sofa that has one arm rest that pushes out making it longer to lay on).

Usually my mom and more family will come up in the afternoon before dinner for an hour or so. Then I order dinner, take more med’s., fluid changes and listen to a sermon on my MP3 player. I get ready for bed about 8:30 and crawl in while Steve updates this blog, answers email , and tries to handle questions and concerns as best as he can. He has been so strong everyday when my mind begins to wander to my current circumstances, such as thinking about all I am going to miss with Cassandra’s graduation ceremony, her commencement speech and her openhouse. But it takes a few encouraging words from Steve to get my eyes from focusing on my current circumstances and back focusing on God’s blessed assurance and His amazing grace which is so profound right now, I am at total peace. “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning (also noon and night – my paraphrase) great is Your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22,23 – English Standard Version)

To conclude the day, I will usually call family members during this time to update them on my conditions and shut the lights out at 9:30, anticipating the first check of vitals at 11:30!

So my dear ones, as you pray throughout the day, you will know how much I feel His overwhelming peace and constant presence during this bump in the road. As shocked as I was to get the news that it was leukemia, it didn’t surprise God. I read in Isaiah 24 today; “He will not grow tired or weary and His understanding not one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak…But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings likes eagles, they will run and not grow weary and they will walk and not grow faint!"

Thank you to each and everyone of you for the role you are playing in our family’s life right now. You’re loved very much and tears of joy stream out as I think of you all. Be encouraged in the Lord today!