Wednesday

Well, today was a difficult one. The results of the bone marrow biopsy were not what we or the doctors wanted. Bonnie still has 5% blast (the leukemia cells) in her bone marrow which was detected on the flow cytometry test of the biopsy. Because the cells are formed in the marrow and then introduced into the blood, it is important to wipe out all blast from the marrow otherwise the blast will take over again, as they reproduce like fruit flies (my analogy). If these are not taken care of and left alone, we would be right back where we were when Bonnie was admitted to the hospital.

So, starting tonight (we are waiting as I type this) Bonnie will go through a “re-induction” chemo treatment, which is a medical term that basically means she is getting another round of the same chemo only instead of 7 days it will be 5 days. At the conclusion of this treatment there will be another bone marrow biopsy to see what, if any, changes have occurred.

A couple of perspectives: 1) when she was admitted and the first bone marrow biopsy was performed (prior to chemo) the blasts in her bone marrow were 88% of all the young WBC being produced. So the blasts have dropped significantly, so in some respect you might think this is a significant change, which it is, however…2) Approximately 80% to 90% of those individuals getting the same standard leukemia treatment move on to the next step of and show minimal or no trace of blasts….so Bonnie falls in that 10% to 20% range where additional chemo is needed right away.

Thinking backwards to an earlier blog post, I need to say that this is an answer to prayer…not the exact outcome from a physical perspective, but an answer nonetheless and an answer that ultimately glorifies God Himself. Because God is holy, he has every right to glorify Himself in whatever way He determines best, even when it is contrary to what our desires are. Did we pray the desire of our heart? Yes. God said “no” for now. Do we believe God has the power to heal Bonnie? Yes. He may choose to heal her now or restore her with a glorified body in heaven. We don’t know, and we can’t dwell on the “what ifs or whens”, we can only dwell on the “here and now” and look for opportunities to watch God work in our own lives and those around us. Think about the healing of the blind man in Mark 8:23-25:

“And he (Jesus) took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the village, and when he had spit on his eyes and laid his hands on him, he asked him, “Do you see anything?” And he looked up and said, “I see men, but they look like trees, walking.” Then Jesus laid his hands on his eyes again; and he opened his eyes, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly.

There are other accounts in the gospels when Jesus healed the blind the first time around. I’ve always wondered why, on this particular occasion, the healing was a two step process. Was it because the blind man lacked faith? Or was it to show not all healing will occur in the manner we might expect it to? We can only speculate. Maybe Bonnie’s healing will be a two step process. Whatever the outcome is, we need to continue to walk in faith knowing He has a greater purpose than we will ever comprehend.

I’m so glad that Bonnie and I have put our faith and trust in Jesus Christ, because without it we would have no hope. I have the opportunity to walk around the oncology floor throughout the day and am continually reminded how safe and secure we are no matter the situation we are dealing with. Many times each day I wonder aloud, “What do some of these people in other rooms who have no relationship with Christ hold onto for their hope while they battle their illnesses? Where is their source of security and peace?” If they could only experience God’s peace the way we are. That in and of itself is an answer to prayer. Hundreds have been praying for peace for us during this difficult time. In some respects this experience has some aspects of a dream that isn’t really real, yet enough time has lapsed that reality set in two weeks ago, so I can only attribute what we’re feeling is God’s overwhelming peace. There is no other way to describe it. Please continue to pray for peace for us.

Bonnie is very weak from lack of food and constantly battling fevers. Please pray that the dryness and sores in her mouth and throat will heal along with her severally chapped lips to make it easier for chewing food as well as taking her oral meds. She did have 3 small bottles of Ensure today which was encouraging.

I would appreciate your prayers for continued stamina to care for Bonnie throughout the day and night. Also pray for our kids that this valley we are experiencing will draw them closer to God and for them to see God’s greater purpose in His plan as opposed to being swayed by selfish thoughts that might turn them away from seeking God.

Thank you for the outpouring of love to Bonnie and I and our family.